Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
