this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
