Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
