I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
