my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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