dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
