are you so shy because you have an std?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
