my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
