so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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