Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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