I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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