how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
