dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My bed smells like the plague
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