what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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