I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize