I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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