I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
