I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
