butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize