It's Friday. Sex?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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