Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
