Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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