oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
