he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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