I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize