I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
