Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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