why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
