how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
