Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
