I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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