Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
