Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
