He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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