He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
