I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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