just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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