Yo dont text me then not text me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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