it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
