You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
