Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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