just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
