remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
