dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
