Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
