i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
