Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
