I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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