just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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