That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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