He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
