what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Randomize