i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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