Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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