I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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