We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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