WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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