I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
