margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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