I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
