i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
