she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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