Just fell off a train. Bad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
