"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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