you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
