Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
