Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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