The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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