Nicole vs. Life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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