doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
