I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
