I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
