Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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