I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All the doctor said was why
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
