OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
