Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize