I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
