just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
