remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
