Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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