I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
