I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
