Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
