Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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