I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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