she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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