This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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