ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize