Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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