Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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