I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize