I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
