nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
