I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
