I think I won the penis lottery.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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