I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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