then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
