I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize