Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
