I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
