We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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