i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
