you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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