Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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