I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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