Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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