It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
