Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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