this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
