1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
