Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
