i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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