does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
