he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
