Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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