I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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