idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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