I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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