He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
