If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
