Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
